Archive for September, 2013

red hair-ing

Posted in what am i even reading on September 23, 2013 by chaoticnutroll

“If I keep painting, I won’t die.”
“If I keep painting, I won’t die.”
“If I keep painting, I won’t die.”

She tore the bag open, setting the ornament inside free with a soft jangle. Beneath the rim a long red hair clung distractingly and she wordlessly removed it, blowing it out the car door and away from her. It seemed heavily empty around her in the atmosphere but she couldn’t define it, so stored it away for a detail to be surmised over later.

A very brief message had alerted her to the transition she could not cease, but hadn’t really wrapped her mind around just then.
“Gone?” a voice said. Confirmed. Gone. replied an electronic blurt in her skull.
“I must be going crazy for real.” She told herself. All the disembodied voices could mean nothing else.

When things began to disintegrate, and deteriorate at an astonishing rate, searching for the solution, any cure, any chemical, it was only well into the throes of surviving the end that the truth came around her way again.

The ornament had been left as salvation, a solution, the dna they’d need to heal the destruction wrought was located in that single hair she had blown away, guiltless, not knowing the ends she had secured for humanity.

As the ash perforated her lungs, she held the bodies of two children, atop a mountain of others, dead before she could exclaim that there was no hope and no end to their misery.
Suffering could have been prevented, but this time, it would crumble quietly, life would find its away again from beneath the rubble.



Posted in Uncategorized on September 18, 2013 by chaoticnutroll

What was it that dared me to believe that I was unique from them in that somehow I’d turned him into a hero? What made me feel so invincible compared to past conquests and tragedies?
And yet there I was with a sense of self-assurance. I knew these things to be true. I knew I’d been rewarded with this challenge, it was mine to bear and I wanted it.
But now, every good moment, every memory is poisoned by the reality of what you’ve done. She still wants the same things I want, but has had to swallow the great and bitter pill much eariler than I had hoped for her, because of you. It will never be you that comforts her. It will never be you that unbreaks her heart. I worked to forgive you, and try to return things to a prior state of being. Instead, I’ve come to love you less, and hate you more. I’ve come to not care most of the time if you are still this challenge I am to endure.
These things I want them to have, I wanted you to give them, and all I can do is curl my fingers helplessly, angrily, silently over nothing. The great and ear shattering expanse of nothing. A void I tirelessly dream of filling, to restore us to feeling whole again, even if you aren’t standing there with us.

October 12

Posted in Uncategorized on September 9, 2013 by chaoticnutroll

October 12


Posted in what am i even reading on September 9, 2013 by chaoticnutroll

Discovering that I have the ability to paint something that someone would pay for has been a humbling and amusing experience. Who the fuck am I to be getting paid for anything I did.
Not to say that I don’t like having grocery money, but it’s still not real sometimes that I’m doing this.
The possibilities that await me even now have me trying not to pee myself. When things unfold and I can put words to them I’ll tell more and more of this story, but until they are mine to say I’ll just enjoy the hope.

Also I’m thinking about having a walking dead party for my birthday, since I haven’t had a birthday party in awhile, and the day after the new walking dead series starts so…perfect timing.

20% more than should be legal

Posted in Comixity-dix with tags , , on September 7, 2013 by chaoticnutroll

20% more than should be legal