What was it that dared me to believe that I was unique from them in that somehow I’d turned him into a hero? What made me feel so invincible compared to past conquests and tragedies?
And yet there I was with a sense of self-assurance. I knew these things to be true. I knew I’d been rewarded with this challenge, it was mine to bear and I wanted it.
But now, every good moment, every memory is poisoned by the reality of what you’ve done. She still wants the same things I want, but has had to swallow the great and bitter pill much eariler than I had hoped for her, because of you. It will never be you that comforts her. It will never be you that unbreaks her heart. I worked to forgive you, and try to return things to a prior state of being. Instead, I’ve come to love you less, and hate you more. I’ve come to not care most of the time if you are still this challenge I am to endure.
These things I want them to have, I wanted you to give them, and all I can do is curl my fingers helplessly, angrily, silently over nothing. The great and ear shattering expanse of nothing. A void I tirelessly dream of filling, to restore us to feeling whole again, even if you aren’t standing there with us.



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