Archive for June, 2014

everyday is like sunday

Posted in Uncategorized on June 28, 2014 by chaoticnutroll

lines drawn shots fired
who made you the hitman hired
years pass by how can i miss
the things with the most poisonous kiss
i knew it then i know it now
i don’t need you need me somehow


Been running repeatedly into a wall of disfunction. It’s simple data not where it needs to be giving the appropriate commands, but because there are some that do not do not do not understand this even a smidge, we receive a fuckjoke of a workload from returned equipment because they don’t get that if it’s not part of a simple double check on their part, it’s bigger than a bad box.

I don’t know if I should be afraid or laugh my ass off. Please tell me that I haven’t found a plane of intelligence so up that I am uncomfortable now. If I am getting it right, then something definitely has to be wrong somewhere, because I’m not a genius. I’m no special sauce. I do what I do and if I happen to get things right sometimes, that’s great for me, I’ve escaped the flame of adjudication another day.

There is so much talent out there that dwarfs me, I love to read about it and learn. 

I love to read about it and learn.

Learn learn learn. It’s just so unfortunate that the time to learn will end before I’ve explored all parameters. And others before me I know died craving more learning.

I’m grateful for this time here, I look forward to more later. 


Pulling your disguise up

Posted in Uncategorized on June 12, 2014 by chaoticnutroll

Nobody knows it but me when I slip

Don’t come to my door without invitation. I hate when you do that. If I am emotionally/mentally or physically unprepared, I don’t want the opportunity to feel guilty about it because you were inconsiderate. I realize you have obligations, but I have them too and for you to not take them into account sours me.

The weather is begging to be tumultuous and because of the dreams I’ve had since I was young, it terrifies me. Especially that where I am at now mirrors the images in my dreams. The mountains snare the speed of wind and rain and we are in an unusually protected location, but it can still flood without remorse and bring trees and parts of houses down in a destructive little tantrum.

More awaits me. 

Please return safe.


Posted in Uncategorized on June 6, 2014 by chaoticnutroll

These extremities of emotion are what will be the death of me. I am most likely to self destruct in a random flare out than a long and deliberate effort to transmute energy to static.

Feeling like I can be ok on my own and tasting the lie amidst the foliage, from beach to a stark snow.

Something displeases me and I want to sever it from myself, to punish my own skin and soul. 

What is this reckless heartache and why does it rear its head when things are exactly as they should be. 

This isn’t the concern of things dissolving into madness and misery again, or if it is, it is so powerful and dreadful I am the reflection of all joy stumbling into emptiness.

Pleading for otherness is shameful and futile. Why can this happen? Behind my silent mouth is the outrage bewildered at the injury.

Muo Yad?

Posted in Uncategorized on June 2, 2014 by chaoticnutroll

Things rapidly exhale and the sunrise will with it bring a ripple of firey cleansing and shattery roar.
The earth will literally melt away beneath us.
The word hastening keeps being used as if to ward us, but they don’t realize it is too late for anyone else to catch a ride on the bus out.

Trajectories fly overhead, piercing sleep and breath and we scatter as if there were a hole deep enough to protect us from what comes. What happens, what’s happened all along, is what is unfolding well beyond our reach.

Any of our healthier hopes and efforts are just dainty lies, waiting to be blown apart like flaming leaves.

It’s coming to me, as I’ve seen before. An awful storm, and the centrifuge is the key. The question and answer. It’s a circle. Everything is and always was. All of these things have happened before, and what I don’t know is if it will or won’t happen again.

IF eventually there was going to be a time when he stopped spinning the top, and moved on to another game.

Did we get it right this time? Did I remember enough in time? We’ll see, because like the Gunslinger finding his way to the tower only to be sucked through again and start over, memory wiped, but this time with the horn of Eld, as he should have had the first fucking thousand times before, I don’t know if I’ve remembered the horn, and can progress.

Even if not, it’s been an amazing journey.